Music was my first love…

I’ll start with a confession on this one: maybe the years as a paramedic have damaged my mind more, than just a taint bit. Nowadays it seems to me, as if i can only cry and scream, when music unlocks those hallways in my mind, where raw emotions are tucked away safely, for noone else to see. I don’t think, this happened for convenience. I’d rather believe, it’s a subconsciously implemented safeguard against even more mental damage. In my trade, you get to experience people in their darkest hours on a quite regular basis. And even though today, I’m more occupied with teaching the skills of my art to trainees, I still live through those intense moments, from time to time.

It doesn’t happen intentionally, but sometimes, when I’m wandering the internet, I almost naturally take a stop on one of those sites, where you can listen to music. My taste is somewhat simple: I like music, that is made with hearts and hands. I don’t dig most contemporary pop music too much, although I happen to find single pieces, which appeal to me. But for the most part, I like old school rock and metal. And yes, I espacially like the oldies and classics.

All the while drifting from song to song, not always staying to the end, I might reach that point – it doesn’t happen always, not even often – where those previously mentioned hallways open up, to let out those tears, held back for a thousand and one reasons. And although I always feel a little odd afterwards, it’s always a liberating experience. Because it give’s me proof, that my emotions haven’t died yet, despite all the crazy shit, I have seen in more than 25 years in prehospital emergency care.

One of my favourite songs of all times is “Strange World” from Iron Maiden’s first album. When bass and guitar beginn to sing with each other, I always get the feeling, I should have become a bass player instead. Steve Harris is a freaking genius as bass player and song writer also; I know, this is only my little opinion, but to me it has a meaning, and there are a some feelings transported through this song, that I can relate to far too easy. I read it as a song about depression, and I had visitations from the darkness – my old friend – often enough, to recognice it in other people…

I would bet, I’m not the only one, who has his mind opened up by music like that. And although other people will most certainly like different kinds of music, the basic principle stays the same. I obviously don’t talk too much about those moments, because I feel, they’re private. And I most certainly wouldn’t invite anybody, to share them with me. Not even my wife. Because there are things, that need to stay private, no matter how intimate you might be with someone else. And I love my wife very much. But if I should guess, she has those special private moments too, that she would never share with anyone. Not even me. And that’s OK!

Music really was my first love. My lady was my second and thankfully, I don’t know, which of both will be my last, to stay true to the song. If I had any saying in that, both would come to an end at exactly the same moment. That would be fates greatest possible present to me. If you like to share your thoughts, feel welcome. Otherwise, simply have a good time.

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